Marcus H. Feder’s Blog

It was an endeavor I knew had two ways to go.  Teaching my 5 year-old daughter chess could either go badly or really badly.  The difference between the two would be if I could handle it and keep my frustration in check while keeping my patience.

I decided a little earlier in the day while thinking about adding a chess set in the counter tiles of our new BBQ and reading about the comparison between chess and social media in @chrisbrogan‘s book, that my daughter may be at that age where a quality lesson might actually sink in.  So I decided to pursue it and prepared my daughter by telling her it takes a long time to learn and that it even takes some people years to learn.

I asked if she was prepared to sit a while, be patient, and listen to daddy try to explain the rules.  She said yes, and I decided to start by telling her the object of the game.  Throughout the lesson, I’d ask what the object was again just to make sure it had really sunk in.

When she agreed to listen, and try to be patient, I started telling her the names of the pieces and the functions of each.  Although I knew all of it wouldn’t really sink in.

When we began to play, I had to keep reminding her about the directions her pieces could and could not take.  I tried to show her how she could capture my pieces and how I could capture hers.  She did get a little upset when I took one of her pieces the first time, but slowly understood that was okay when I allowed her to take some of my pieces.

I almost lost my cool twice and threatened to stop playing, but she quickly remembered our agreement and gained back her patience.  I, in turn, remembered the agreement I made with myself: I know she’s not going to learn this time, the next time, or even the time after that, but if I keep my cool, I can even learn to control my temper better and grow together with her.

In the end, I know she really didn’t understand the game play of chess, but she learned that the object of the game was to capture your opponent’s king.  She quite possibly also learned many of the pieces possible moves.  Even more importantly I believe, is that I learned it’s only a game and if not me who has the patience to teach her the game, than who?  Also, I realized there was a third way this was to end; by being extremely proud of her, not for learning about a few of the pieces or some of their moves, but for her patience and attention.

I told her how proud I was of her that she listened the entire time, and that we’ll keep learning together.